Sexual Health Principles My first posts for this blog were a series of articles about sexual values and how they might operate in therapy for sexual issues (see the first in the series here). At that time I was early in the development of steering my practice toward a focus on sexual issues. I knew…
From “one true love” to “happily ever after” we are inundated with images and storylines about love that don’t quite fit our experiences. Those stories can sometimes create expectations which cause us to be confused or dissatisfied with the reality of our relationships even when the reality is positive. Self-help books, family advice, and people…
Two years after I bought my car it started exhibiting some eccentricities. Sometimes, when stopped, the RPMs will spike above 2000. To stop this, with on foot on the brake, I put the car into gear and gently let out the clutch until the gears engage just enough to temper the RPMs back down to…
For years I’ve been using this analogy to help my clients understand the difference between having unhealed trauma and healed trauma. I will bring this analogy up when I want to respond to a client who states that no amount of healing will eliminate the trauma from their biography. Though true, that perspective doesn’t take…
While equality in a relationship has a high value, sometimes manifesting equality around certain issues or decisions can feel impossible. For example, who gets to decide whether I take this promotion at work or not? The decision might affect everyone in the relationship but do both really get an equal say about which job one…
One of the most common things that I teach members of my couples is how to be empathic towards each other. Once I help a couple establish an empathic connection, most of the other challenges are relatively easy to solve because empathy makes solutions much easier to find and put into practice. As a therapist…
Emotional Relationships Need Empathy I’m going to go into a deeper description about empathy in a subsequent post but for now I’m going to identify that the keys to expressing empathy are (1) to demonstrate acceptance of the other person’s experience and (2) to demonstrate an emotional response that indicates a caring connection with the…
In my last blog post I presented 6 Essential Facts about emotions. These were intended to set the stage for this more advanced review of the role of emotions in relationships and how understanding emotions can help a relationship improve. Emotions are created by our perceptions and interpretations Most of our emotional reactions are significantly…
People have emotions. Yet we receive very little education about our emotions, how they work, or how to manage them in this culture. So, as I work with clients I’m often conducting a certain about of education about the nature of emotions. This is especially true when I’m working with a couple because the currency…
Many of the negative emotional and communication cycles that I see when couples come to me can be summed up very simply. Two people who come into close relationship, start hurting each other in unconscious ways, and can’t stop. The efforts they take to stop the pain unwittingly perpetuate the pain cycle, and so the…